"A Barred Owl" and "The History Teacher" - Prompt, Rubric and Student Examples can be found
in a google search for Collins-Wilbur Poetry Response.pdf
"A Barred Owl"
by Richard Wilbur
The warping night air having brought the boom
Of an owl’s voice into her darkened room,
We tell the wakened child that all she heard
Was an odd question from a forest bird,
Asking of us, if rightly listened to,
“Who cooks for you?” and then “Who cooks for you?”
Words, which can make our terrors bravely clear,
Can also thus domesticate a fear,
And send a small child back to sleep at night
Not listening for the sound of stealthy flight
Or dreaming of some small thing in a claw
Borne up to some dark branch and eaten raw.
The warping night air having brought the boom
Of an owl’s voice into her darkened room,
We tell the wakened child that all she heard
Was an odd question from a forest bird,
Asking of us, if rightly listened to,
“Who cooks for you?” and then “Who cooks for you?”
Words, which can make our terrors bravely clear,
Can also thus domesticate a fear,
And send a small child back to sleep at night
Not listening for the sound of stealthy flight
Or dreaming of some small thing in a claw
Borne up to some dark branch and eaten raw.
"The History Teacher"
by Billy Collins
Trying to protect his students’ innocence
he told them the Ice Age was really just
the Chilly Age, a period of a million years
when everyone had to wear sweaters.
And the Stone Age became the Gravel Age, 5
named after the long driveways of the time.
The Spanish Inquisition was nothing more
than an outbreak of questions such as
“How far is it from here to Madrid?”
“What do you call the matador’s hat?” 10
The War of Roses took place in a garden,
and the Enola Gay dropped on tiny atom
on Japan.
The children would leave his classroom
for the playground to torment the weak 15
and the smart,
messing up their hair and breaking their glasses,
while he gathered up his notes and walked home
past flower beds and white picket fences,
wondering if they would believe that soldiers 20
in the Boer War told long, rambling stories
designed to make the enemy nod off.
Trying to protect his students’ innocence
he told them the Ice Age was really just
the Chilly Age, a period of a million years
when everyone had to wear sweaters.
And the Stone Age became the Gravel Age, 5
named after the long driveways of the time.
The Spanish Inquisition was nothing more
than an outbreak of questions such as
“How far is it from here to Madrid?”
“What do you call the matador’s hat?” 10
The War of Roses took place in a garden,
and the Enola Gay dropped on tiny atom
on Japan.
The children would leave his classroom
for the playground to torment the weak 15
and the smart,
messing up their hair and breaking their glasses,
while he gathered up his notes and walked home
past flower beds and white picket fences,
wondering if they would believe that soldiers 20
in the Boer War told long, rambling stories
designed to make the enemy nod off.
After reading many of these different essays I can definitely tell that there are distinguishing factors between what makes a good or worse essay. I also gained some insight on what may lead to a point deduction from a grader. While reading the essay UUU it seems that at a glance it is a pretty solid essay. The person uses advanced and descriptive vocabulary and does the task of explaining how the authors use figurative language in their poems. There were very few faults in the essay but I feel like on of those few mistakes was a really big part of what a good essay would have required. It was mainly the fact that the person did not grasp the understanding of “The History Teacher” and even though they made some solid connections as to why they are similar they never seem to mention the huge difference between the types of lies told in “the History Teacher” and what effects it has on the students. The person says that it was perfectly fine to give answers like that to small children. But it's not. The history teacher gave false information which clouds their judgement and reasoning which is detrimental to the future. The person didn't make this big connection and that’s why I think it deserves a 4. I saw a similar style in AA when it also says that the two poems “bring the same message across” when in reality they really don’t. Overall, I still think that these essays are all pretty impressive considering all of the time restraints that we have while taking these kinds of tests.
ReplyDeleteWhen reading my own essay and comparing it to the really good essays like FFF and NNN I definitely see similarities in my analysis but I also noticed that there were some differences that I never would have thought of before. I feel like I got my point across when saying that it’s ok to tell a white lie but it's not okay to go as far as the history teacher did. One thing that I am going to try to work on is noticing the structures of the actual poems and seeing how the rhyme scheme or set up might be similar or different. I’m definitely going to try to expand more on my analysis of the literary devices that I point out. I feel like I stated what they were but I never really expanded on them that much and I didn't explain how they were relevant to the meaning of the poem. That’s something that I feel my essay was lacking and I'm definitely going to try to work on that.
Even though the handwriting in the first essay, (FF) was annoying to read, the author effectively highlighted many of the poetic devices used by Billy Collins and Richard Wilbur. This author managed to highlight the contrasting nature of both of the poems, which I also felt like I discussed, but the author of FF took it much farther, as they mentioned the rhyme scheme and the fact that children aren’t old enough to understand these topics. FF’s author uses a rich vocabulary, and has a natural flow. They talk of the history teacher as the crimes against him are built up, and noted of the the final scene in the poem, which is the essence of “The History Teacher.” I discussed this as well, but my essay contained many sections that didn’t focus on the text, and were just introductory material. The author of FF really followed the text, not necessarily in a linear fashion (a good thing), but as needed to support their view points. My essay had style, but could have been more focused on the text. My thesis wasn’t as clear and as strong as the student FF’s thesis This student gets an A.
ReplyDeleteThe second example essay (ZZ) is a far cry from the first essay. No quotes are used, but kudos to this student, as their handwriting is readable. This student highlights very specific literary devices used, but this is not helpful as their contribution to the work as a whole isn’t specified. It is important that a student goes beyond listing off random devices used, but shows the ‘so what.’ Some effort is made, but it’s not enough. This student gets a C.
Essay ZZZ is one of the better examples of a poem analysis. This student effectively analyzes the juxtaposition in both works, but is must less sophisticated in doing so. To improve their score, this author has to be braver, to go deeper into the works and their meaning. Like me, their essay could also be better if they mentioned more specific strategies used, beyond just what some quotes mean. This students get an A-/B+.
For the third paragraph I meant Essay NNN
DeleteI found the most effective essay to be NNN, which I later saw that on the rubric this essay received a score of 8. When reading the essays, this particular essay stood out to me because of the deep understanding of the poems it exemplified and the flow of the writing made it easy to read and understand. It was similar to my essay in that this student wrote about the difference in tones between the poems and the rhyme schemes. This example essay did a great job of using quotes to support their argument, as well as providing a thorough and clear explanation with each quote to support their point. The composition of the essay had more sophisticated language and structure than the other examples. This essay described the main ideas of each poem, but provided analysis as to why the author made the choices they did. Throughout the essay, the writer kept referring back to the question about the author’s choices, and each poem’s effects on how the writer speaks to children is different and similar. The clear thesis for this essay allowed for a clearer explanation and overall setup of the essay, making the argument more effective.
ReplyDeleteReading through the sample essays, most of them used the same literary devices from the poems to analyze, such as rhyme scheme, tone, the set-up of the poem. I found that the poems that were not as effective while I was reading them may have had similar arguments as the more effective essays, but the analysis and explanation was not as strong as the other sample essays, such as sample UUU. In this essay, there were no quotes supporting their argument, and the analysis was very brief and not as deep or well thought as the other examples. The thesis was also not well-developed, and this essay received a score of 4. Though the initial ideas of this essay were similar to NNN, which was a very effective essay, the writing of UUU crafted a less effective essay because of its lack of a clear thesis and well-thought analysis.
I hated pretty much all of these essays considering how hard they were to read, but I only analyzed three of them so here goes:
ReplyDeleteFFF. I loved this essay’s ideas, which they stated clearly in their intro and thesis. Like my own essay, this one focused on rhythm and rhyme as well as the themes of each piece they were discussing. Immediately after the first paragraph I had a great idea of what this poem would be about, however difficult it may have been to read. I mean seriously, how do people grade these things if the handwriting is SO bad? Do they transcribe it onto a different sheet of paper? I’m not sure. Anyway, I was really impressed with how well this student analyzed the literary devices used in both poems. They made sure to provide lots of evidence to back their claims and, disregarding their horrible penmanship, structured the essay so that it was very easy to follow. The only other criticism I have is that there was no conclusion, but apparently that doesn’t matter considering it received a 9 on the grading rubric. I had given it a 7.
ZZ. This essay started off at a random spot in the student’s writing, which makes me think there was either an issue with the photocopy machine they used to share it or there was an issue with the student not paying attention to the starting markers for each essay. Either way, this essay was not as impressive as the first for a couple of reasons. It shared similar ideas, but it lacked flavor/style to keep the reader engaged. Take this quote: ““these give the poem a sense of completeness and rightness.” Oh wow, completeness and rightness, what a boring way to describe something. I mean, come on. Also the student doesn’t expand on any of their ideas really. Sure they include evidence here and there but ultimately there is no analysis, no in-depth descriptions of each idea they are trying to argue. Somehow it got a 7, even though I gave it a 5, so clearly it must be a bit better than I initially assumed.
UUU. This is the final one I analyzed and I hated it. Essentially the entire essay could be an intro paragraph if somebody chopped off a few unnecessary phrases. It was only a tiny bit longer than a page and lacked any substance whatsoever. There was absolutely no explanation, analysis, or interesting ideas. Anybody could’ve said the exact same thing this essay did after reading either one of these poems. I gave it a 2 for its short length and lack of analysis, but it got a 4 on the grading rubric. This honestly really frustrates me, but it makes me question the quality of my own writing in a testing environment, because I’ve received low grades before on timed essays. My own essay could have expanded more as well, and SHOWN my ideas rather than just explaining them in the context of the works. It takes a different approach to writing when it comes to poetry, and that’s something I’ll have to get used to.
Before reading the scores given to each to each of the AP exams, I thought that essay ‘NNN’ was a lot more appealing and provided more evidence than ‘FFF’ that scored a nine. I thought that NNN scored a nine and FFF scored an eight. NNN works to introduce their essay in a nice way by explaining what they will continue to discuss throughout it, and they also present how these two poems contrast. I enjoyed the organization of their essay because it moves from discussing one poem to the next which allows there to be that comparison and contrasting when discussing the two. I enjoyed how they were able to use examples from the text as well as support what they were saying very clearly, however, the closing could be stronger after providing that much evidence and structure throughout their essay. Looking at the scores now, I can see where they may have lost the point. The writer talked about ‘A Barred Owl’ first, where they provided a really nice context and analysis. But when they move on to ‘The History Teacher’, they spend so much time comparing the two, that they hardly talk about what ‘The History Teacher’ provides and they don’t give as strong of an analysis as they do for ‘A Barred Owl’.
ReplyDeleteFFF did a really nice job at analyzing everything about the poem, from the format it is written in, to what the author is saying through their words. I think that the only reason I favored NNN over this one is because it’s difficult to read. The breaks to where a paragraph starts and ends isn’t written very clearly, which makes it look as though they threw all their ideas and thoughts onto paper and didn’t clearly organize it, which was most likely because of the rush that they had to write it. Although it wasn’t clearly organized, all the ideas were still there and they did a really good job at including everything.
I find that essay letters ZZ to be the best overall essay about the two poems. The writes utilizes good examples and is able to set them up as well as explain them thoroughly to prove his point. He is able to accomplish this by using good examples that provide evidence of what he is explaining throughout his essay. He also starts off the essay with a very solid thesis that allows him to expand in both directions of comparing the two essays while showing their differences and how even though they are two different poems they essentially say the same thing. The writer also has great word choice by not saying too much he doesn't have any bad sentences and all of his sentences are essential to the essay that was written. It also provides an effective analysis of the two poems to get the big picture of what the writers are doing to protect the children. All of the essays compare the two pieces and how they are different in what they are trying to explain. Even the last essay the one that most likely got a 1 provided enough information to see that he knew that the two reasons for why the poems were different was the way the narrator was able to handle the situation. I thin that this essay was better than mine out of 9 I would give it a 7 and I would give myself a 6 because I felt that I didn't bring enough to the table in my analysis of the poems while this writer dad and he did it with a great amount of detail.
ReplyDeleteIn reading over these essays, I found the second one, ZZ, to be the most effective. It was something that I would not have expected and took me by surprise. I agreed with many of the points made in the FFF essay and included many of the same ideas in my own. ZZ was more direct in its language and content, but it analyzed the essays in ways that I hadn’t seen. For the first two paragraphs, it focuses on the rhyme scheme and syllables that help convey the message in each poem. I wouldn’t have thought to focus on how “choppy” “The History Teacher” felt because of the syllables. The prose isn’t as strong in this piece as in other essays, so I understand why it scored a 7 according to the AP Rubric, but it had an outlook that neither mine nor the other essays I had read had focused on.
ReplyDeleteThe essays that follow ZZ are mostly too blunt or fail to address various ideas within each poem. What ZZ, NNN, and FFF all achieve is that they show with minimal telling. They use quotes in their analysis and explain why they chose those quotes in detail. They lay out their ideas so that they will be observed with curiosity rather than boredom. They genuinely comprehend the pieces they are writing about and elaborated it will obvious skill and understanding.
Many of the essays mentioned the same ideas, but essay FFF stood out as the most effective and convincing. This student wrote a strong introduction, followed by a paragraph on the similarities of the two poems and then two paragraphs on their differences. I noticed that essays FFF and NNN, which both scored highly, not only analyzed the similar topic found in the poems, but they also commented on the contrasting structure and use of literary devices. Nearly every essay talked about how the parents and the teacher both try to protect children’s innocence, but in talking about the differences was where essay FFF stands out. This student said that Wilbur’s use of rhyme reminds readers of a children’s book, and “thus helps the reader to sympathize with the adults.” Contrastingly, in “The History Teacher,” “There is no rhyme scheme present and little else evident to suggest that the students possess this adorable innocence of the first poem that needs to be protected.” Another area in which essay FFF excelled is the use of textual references. This student included a sufficient number of quotes to support their points without overloading the essay. On top of that, they provided an analysis of the quote, whereas some essays added quotes without explaining its purpose. Overall, essay FFF was sophisticated, well developed, and it had a nice balance between summary and analysis. Many essays, including mine, were underdeveloped and there was more summary than analysis. Similar to essay U, I did not mention literary devices, nor did I analyze the quotes that I included. After reading these sample essays, I found that one of the most distinguishing factors was whether the student commented on the *effect* of the poets’ choices.
ReplyDeleteI found essay NNN to be the most effective, mostly because I could not read essay FFF. But it also provided a sophisticated comparison between the two poems. The writer compared the literary devices and analyzed them thoroughly, different from some of the other essays. Many of the other essays mentioned the different literary devices but forget to analyze them thoroughly. My essay was also missing a clear analysis of literary devices from the two poems. However, it did touch upon the impact of the adults on the children, which is mentioned in the essay NNN. The writer concluded the essay by discussing the effect of the adults’ actions on the children, which connected back to the main purpose of the poems.
ReplyDeleteEssay FFF was apparently the best one out of all of them. I can see why from reading parts of it, but the handwriting was too difficult to read. The writer of the essay FFF included similar comparisons as the writer of the essay NNN, but the essay NNN was much easier to read. Essay ZZ was confusing to read. It seemed like it started at an awkward part, or maybe that was just the format. That essay was pretty solid as well, besides the awkward intro.
Most of the essays share the same overall concept and the writers all contrasted and compared the two poems, but the way the writers presented their points and the depth they went into separated the essays from one another. I thought essay 22 was one of the stronger essays and I gave it a 8 because it had clear and sophisticated out and sentences that were well thought out. The strong closing and opening in this essay made their main point clear and easy for the reader to understand while maintaining good diction. Although this essay The essays I gave a higher grade talked about the formatting of the poems and the choices the poet made in detail and showed specific examples taken from the textin order to effectively convey their point.
ReplyDeleteIn my essay I did not have a clear closing or opening which made my essay harder to follow, so I need to work on the structure of my essay by planning it in more detail before I start writing. If an essay had a confusing structure it did not allow me to fully comprehend their ideas, even if they were meaningful and effective.
The most effective essay for me was NNN as it was both understandable and analytical.This student connected the particular literary devices used and compared it to how they contribute to getting the message across. When I looked at the rubric I saw that this essay actually received an 8 but I would have given it a 9. The essay that did get a score of 9 was FFF which was the one that I didn’t like at all majorly because of the incomprehensible handwriting. But as I looked over FFF again, I realized that this person was very thorough with their explanations and made very good connections to the poem. Not only this, but if one looks beyond the handwriting, it was very persuasive as well. FFF and NNN both displayed very good introductions and strong thesis statements in which they clearly answered the prompt. Throughout their essays the prompt was answered with not only analysis but with direct quotes as well. This inclusion of quotes was one that I found similar in all of the essays that received higher scores.
ReplyDeleteI found that NNN was the most well written and effective essay. Before I read the official scoring I gave it an 8 because I thought it did a very good job of developing its argument and connecting to its thesis. When I read the official score I agreed with everything said. It only received an 8 for the actual style and skill of the writer. While it had the best content of any other essay, I believe that it was lacking the sophistication of a 9. As for comparing it to my essay, I found that myself and the author used many of the same points. While the author of NNN had a much different structure than me, both of us made very similar arguments. The one thing that stood out to me while reading all these essays was the negative view regarding the teacher in The History Teacher. While this may just be a matter of opinion, I felt as though the teacher was not necessarily at fault for telling white lies to the students. Instead, I believe that the teacher is subject to societal norms that tell us whether we can or cannot tell students the truth at a certain age. However, this was just a minor detail that I noticed while reading the essays. Overall, I believe that my arguments were consistent with those that scored highly, and I tended to find the biggest difference between my own essay and the own I was reading when I was reading a lower scoring essay.
ReplyDeleteAlthough the handwriting in the first essay (FFF) is challenging to read, it does deserve a full score. The author not only effectively analyzed the themes of both poems, but also managed to highlight subtly used literary devices, such as rhythm and the contrast between Billy Collins and Richard Wilbur. First, FFF states in the beginning that both poems have similar themes. Within a few lines, the essay has laid the groundwork for future comparing and contrasting between the means of delivery these two themes. Furthermore, FFF mentions the usage of an aabbccdd rhyme scheme that resembles a pre school or nursery rhyme. This rhyme protruded the nuance within the poem as well as causing a sense of innocence among the readers. Moreover, I enjoyed his/her comparing and contrasting between the poems very much, which provide an ample amount of evidence from both poems. They successfully prove his point and deepens the analysis of the poems as the essay expands.
ReplyDeleteI have learned a lot from this essay and wish I could write a good essay like this.
For NNN, the student’s deep understanding of the poems and his graceful flow of his essay make the essay easy to read and remain interested. Its diction were especially sophisticated and its sentence structure varied. Throughout the essay, the writer didn’t digress away from the two poems. NNN referred back to the author’s choice and reminded the readers about the effects of different tones. However, this writer didn’t reach the depth and detail in analysis that FFF did. NNN is certainly outstanding but not as great as the FFF.
ZZ started off at a weird spot. It didn’t have any beginning to introduce the poem or state a clear thesis which presented itself as abrupt to its readers. This essay was not on the same level as the first two examples aforementioned since it didn’t provide specific and constant analysis or sufficient amount of evidence. The writer used general and colloquial terms such as “completeness and rightness,” and “choppy feel.” These can take off points.
Comparing with FFF, I noticed I missed some important parts within my essay, such as stanza forms, structure, and rhythm since those are critical to the expression of the poem. My analysis was not as deep and well-phrased too. There are room for me to improve.
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ReplyDeleteIn my opinion, FFF was the best essay of the bunch. The person writing this essay had the best use of vocabulary, it flowed well, and had a complex analysis of the two poems. That essay deserves a 6, and my essay pales in comparison. NNN is also very good, much better than my essay, although FFF just seemed to be better, so I would give it a 5. When considering my essay, I think it is comparable to ZZ. ZZ was not terrible but was in no way good, the vocabulary was limited and the sentence structure was often flawed. I think that ZZ deserves a 3. UUU was better than my essay, but not by much I don’t think, it has good use of vocabulary, and has a good thesis, but gives a pretty simple and straightforward explanation. UUU has a couple of grammatical errors but not too many. I definitely wouldn’t give it a 5, because it has a lot of flaws, but it still raises great points and analyzes them well so I give it a 4. I thought that B and AA were similar to UUU qualitywise.
ReplyDeleteMany of these essays raised similar points and had similar explanations to mine, mine if most similar in quality to mine.
I feel for the teachers that have to read these. I think that reading even good essays hundreds of times would be so draining. Add to that all of the half-baked essays and you have, what to me is, an utterly unbearable task. I noticed how all of the essays that scored highly included copious amounts of evidence and really extrapolated the author’s words into big ideas. Judging by the grading it seems really important to at least touch upon all the aspects of a poem I think this is most apparent whilst comparing poems NNN and UUU. Where NNN discusses many facets of the works UUU only offers a brief explanation of some of the ideas. Additionally, this sentiment seems to be echoed in the grader’s comments on some of the shorter essays the idea that a brief essay is not enough space to formulate a holistic review of the poem. It is important to note that a longer essay doesn’t necessarily mean a better analysis. However, it seems as though the graders feel that a longer essay is necessary for a complete analysis. After reading only three or four of these I noted how utterly devoid of style and flair any of these essays are. This is most apparent in essay FFF. The essay is certainly commendable in terms of analytical rigor and is undeniably logically sound. However, the student’s insertion of superfluous vocabulary does little to make the essay actually interesting. To me, this shows that the graders value function over form, that the analysis is far more important than originality or creativity.
ReplyDeleteI knew after reading FFF that it was going to receive a very good score. The essay had detailed body paragraphs with extremely thorough explanations of the points they were making. It also had good use of transition words; starting paragraphs with words such as "However" and "Conversely". It was a good length, long enough to effectively answer the prompt but not filled with unnecessary information that would make it a bore to read.
ReplyDeleteAnother essay I felt was very strong was NNN. It wasn't quite as spectacular as FFF, but it did most of the things that FFF did well.
On the other end of the spectrum, U, DDDD and CC were all obviously going to receive lower scores; they were all around a page long (or less) in length and did not explain the prompt in detail very well.
After reading through the document I believe that essay ZZ was the most effective, for it analyzed the structure of both poems to a fascinating degree. While I’ve enjoyed interpreting the meanings of the poems we have read so far, I have struggled most in understanding the structure of the pieces. What makes this piece stand out from the rest to me is how they used specific terminology in referring to the format of both pieces. He describes the intricacies of syllable count, onomatopoeia, end rhyme, and many more. The literary devices I tend to pursue are usually far more similar to repetition, metaphors, and the like, so reading this essay was a breath of fresh air for me. It made me look at poems differently, for although all of the essays on the document spoke of relatively the same themes, none delved into the poetic structure quite as much as ZZ, thus making it fantastic in my opinion.
ReplyDeleteThe most memorable essays from the document were not the fantastic, out of this world essay’s but rather the essays in which I questioned whether they could be considered essays at all. Essay UUU was extremely short and the introduction consisted of the typical cookie cutter statement in which the author listed out the three main topics that they were going to be addressing during their essay. Several of the essays did not include in depth analysis. Instead they simply listed the quote and moved on to the next one without fully explaining the quotes and bringing it back to their argument of the essay. The essays that scored higher were the ones that fully explained the quotations as well as created interesting introductions as well as conclusions.
ReplyDeleteFFF
ReplyDeleteAs a whole, all of the essays, like mine, picked out the same main idea, that “The Barred Owl” and “The History Teacher” are about the protection of innocence. Most were able to pick out the contrast between how each of them portrayed this act, and the better ones gave examples of why, pointing to specific passages.
The most effective was probably the first, once I was able to read it. This was because in addition to giving the examples, the writer was specific about the effect those passages have, and also explains what devices are in use and how those devices contribute. It also provides a nuanced view of the two together, considering the positions of a teacher and parent, something I did not do.
In contrast, the worst essay I read was the last, which is empty, only stating the common theme.
In comparison to the better essays written, I would say faults lie with providing poor explanations and few examples. I don’t think I missed the important themes of the poems, or failed to compare them. One of the things I didn’t do is explain the point or effect of certain devices.
I think that the most effective essays analyzed the two different poems separately. When both poems were discussed in the same paragraph, the ideas were muddled and confusing (other than in the introductory and conclusion paragraphs). The better essays had a clear divide between the analysis of each poem, then brought the two together at the end of the piece.
ReplyDeleteAnother thing that I noticed was the complete lack of personality or voice in all of these essays. Seriously robotic synthesis and tone. I understand that the balance between analysis and creative voice is hard to navigate, as is writing an expressive essay under a time constraint.
FFF2:
ReplyDeleteThis person’s handwriting gives me a headache
ZZ:
Defines which specific literary tools they will analyze for each individual poem
I think this writer could have explained the difference in rhyme scheme between the two author’s in more depth. For example, they describe how the rhyming in “A Barred Owl” creates a “comic mood” but does not connect this to how this relates to the desired effect the parents’ words have on the child.
The third paragraph asserts the stanza structure of “A Barred Owl” gives the poem a sense of completeness and rightness, but does not go beyond simply asserting this without explanation. Perhaps the words the author was looking for was consistency and pacing? The same goes for the writers analysis of “The History Teacher”.
I see the point the fourth paragraph is trying to make, but it is a little difficult to understand the point. I think this paragraph deserves a better topic sentence.
Overall, the essay simply doesn’t seem to have enough analysis. In its three body paragraphs it mentions the effect of the rhyme scheme, structure, and the nature of each adult' sheltering in each poem, but does not go into enough depth in explaining how these literary tools result in the effect the writer claims.
UUU2:
Where essay ZZ fell short, UUU2 falls even shorter. This essay is like the bugs that float on the water: it skims the surface.
The essay does no more than identifying tools without going into further depth on their effect on the reading or their role in the poem.
The essay concludes with asserting a completely different and controversial thesis statement.
U1:
If there were ever an essay to describe the minimalist, this would be it. The piece is quite literally a step by step detailing of similarities and differences with no analysis or connecting words. It reads more like a list than an essay.
B2:
This essay is so far off topic. Rather than answer the prompt the writer questions the ethics of the characters’ actions in each poem, all while mainly summarizing.
I am mentally unable to read any more essays after seeing AA1's explanation of Collins'
"doing an allusion" to Pearl Harbor. I don't know how you do it Mr. Pellerin. I can only pray that my essays do not cause the same pain that some of these examples have.
Obviously I realize from re-reading my own essay that my greatest shortcoming is organizational structure. Whereas I have no trouble identifying literary devices, I struggle in developing a framework for my essay that allows me to analyze the entirety of each prompt in a fluid and concise way.